being at peace with the past and present

It's pretty much been nonstop since school started, from day one of welcome week to the middle of week 6.  With everything that's happened, been happening I find it difficult to recall a time where I was able to just stop and take a breather.  Being this busy does come with its advantages though, I've been able to think about other things instead of dwelling in my problems, I've been able to constantly be encouraged and surrounded by my brothers and sisters around me, of course there's the academics and the studying that comes with it, and even investing time in doing things I love like cooking.  Even with all these things going on, there does come a time when I do get to reflect on all the things that have happened this past summer.  Now that I think of it, goodness it really doesnt matter how you look at it, it's been one heck of a summer.  Not only has a lot happened, granted most of it has to do with my mom having cancer but of course there were other things, I've also gotten to see how much I've changed; my views, my attitudes, my faith, etc. all of which have matured tremendously (not that judging myself is the best way to go, but i'm pretty sure that I have one way or another).  The quote that came to mind first for me was,

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can;and the wisdom to know the difference"

This has always been a favorite quote of mine, the way it sounds, the way it rolls of your tongue, but I guess I never really understood the meaning of it until now.  In the beginning of summer, I obviously did not have the wisdom this quote talks about.  I refused to accept what had happened, I felt helpless in thinking there was nothing I could do to change anything, all in all I was a complete wreck.  At the time, I felt lonely and i was slowly loosing my faith.  But it wasnt until the end of SF trip, where I felt as if God offered a hand to pick me up.   Just a few days with my brothers and sisters was the pick-me-up that God knew I needed.  I mean I only know this now, after looking back and getting to talk to others, but I needed God to love me so much to break me down to only heal me later.  I needed Him to take me all the way to rock bottom in my faith to restore me again in the most perfect way.  I needed him to show me mercy and grace and love like I've never felt before, all in order to mature more in my faith.  I guess sometimes it takes a summer like the last to make me learn so much.  


In a past post, I mentioned that I prayed to God to use me as someone who can use what I've learned to help others, whether they're going through the same things, or just someone who needs an ear.  and God has been way too good.  I've had chances to share what I've learned with people who mean so much to me, I've had chances to apply what I've learned only to be more encouraged about how good God is.  Although I am far from reaching pure serenity as the quote above says, I know I am feeling more at peace with the what had happened in the past and what is happening in the present.  Sometimes I have a tendency to revert back, trying to fix everything that's going on, but I quickly remind myself that it's out of my control.  But what I can change is my attitude and heart towards the situation.  I can change from wallowing in my heartbreak and suffering to finding Joy in the little things that are so often overlooked.  But most of all, I can change whether or not I put my faith in God and remind myself that He does what He does because He loves me.

God, I can't be more thankful for what You do for me <3