As the title says, i wondered what's next? what happens next when you find out your mom has cancer. i had to take my mom to the surgeon, since my dad couldnt make it cuz he had to work. she wanted me to read all i could about cancer and literally take a crash course to know what to ask the surgeon and other doctors. i mean yea, i've wanted to become a doctor for a long time, i wanted to work with cancer as well, but i never thought i'd have to learn this way, out of necessity. so during the meeting with surgeon he told us about what he'd have to do. he had to perform a hand-assisted laparoscopic colectemy. well isnt that a mouthful to say...but no matter...basically it means he had to cut out the affected part of the colon and the surrounding lymph nodes to be able to fully diagnose the cancer and what not. So after the doctors appointment, i did all the research i could to find out more about colon cancers, the procedure, pre and post op...anything i could find. my mom was under enough stress as is so then i learned as much as i could to help out. the super efficient hospital staff..scheduled the surgery to be June 29th, and yea it was nice to be so quick, but i still felt as if i didnt have the time to let everything sink in. i felt like i just found out my mom had cancer, and then BAM she has to go through a major surgery. i think my entire family took it pretty hard, everything was going fast and we barely had time to let everything sit in...but what can you do when this is all out of your hands...
so the day before the surgery, i got to go visit all the aacf kids during elsa's farewell party. i got to see the people that i had first told about my situation and it was nice to just thank them for everything they've done and the support they've showed me. i think it was something i really needed, a day of just relaxing and funn...and at the time, i really wish i could have stayed in Irvine forever. i wanted to run away from it all, away from the stress and heart break, but i knew i had to take the responsibilities and be there for my family. so i went home, got back late and tried to get some rest before the big day. the next morning, i had to get up bright and early, i took my brother to summer school and met up with my mom right before surgery and waited at the hospital until around 1ish when everything was done. I gotta say, it was one of the hardest 4 hours i've had to endure, with the waiting and uncertainty but luckily i had some time to myself to think, reflect, pray, do hw, sleep because i was so tired. my mom went through the surgery fine with no complications, but it wasnt going to be 5 days until she got out and was ready to go home.
while my mom was at the hospital recovering, either my dad or i was there in the room. the first few days my dad stayed over at the hospital and then i took over the next two days. my stay at the hospital was many things for me. i learned how much it hurt me to see someone that close to my heart, in pain, couldnt move, weak, tired etc. i learned how terrible it felt to be helpless in that sense, i couldnt do anything to relieve the pain, i couldnt get the cancer to go away, i jsut felt helpless and powerless to all of this. but then, i also found a new sense of appreciation for the people that helped my mom. especially the nurses and cna's. they were the ones there on call every 12 hours, they were the ones who helped my mom recover more quickly and just made everything better at the hospital. i remember the nights i was there, everytime a nurse came in to give my mom meds, or give her shots n what not...i'd jolt awake no matter what time of nightt, and i cant forget the one nurse that said "dear, you can go back to sleep, i promise i'll take care of your mom" and at that moment i felt a sense of relief and appreciation for them. so thanks to them and thank you to future nurse...i hope u know all your work is valued :].
after 5 days in the hospital, my mom got to come back home. it meant i had a lot more responsibility, i was on call anytime at night, i had to run more errands and what not since my mom couldnt drive, but it didnt matter as much as having my mom home. but recovery was fast, soon my mom was up and about every once in awhile. and it was alright. at this point, it was now a waiting game. what's the diagnosis? what would happen after?? i wasnt sure what to think. some days i'd think about the worst that could happen, since i've been around cancer before and seen what it's done. some days i stayed optimistic, but no matter what it was a roller coaster of emotions. both physically and emotionally draining and to be honest i havnt had a decent night's rest since i found out about my mom having cancer. but through all this, i was fortunate enough to have time to reflect and pray and then also i had enough time talk to people about what i was going through. i guess when you cant sleep it's one way to use your time wisely...
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