I know it doesnt help, replaying what i saw, but yet I cant help but do so. I thought of what I saw and what happened and I played every second of it on my mind. From when I saw the road going at a normal 75ish, to when i hit something flew off the road and into the grass next to us spinning and spinning, I replayed everything I thought. All i remembered was when the dirt first hit up and we started to spin, I thought “Oh God please help us” I thought about jono next to me, I thought about tim and sam behind me and I was terrified to think what might happen to them. Yet something about that terror, I also felt God’s presense. I look back at it with the physics, with only my 4 totalled tires...and I thought...I should have flipped in that car. There’s no way we should have all come out with nothing but a few bruises and a rush of adrenaline. Yet, I truly believe It had to be God there with us. Some how He helped me steer the car so that we did not flip. Whatever He did, He kept us out of harm's way. He really came through as He always does, with his promise that “He will never forsake us” (Hebrews 13:5) even in those 10 secounds. After I got out of the car, I could not help but feel that same terror that I saw in Phil and Catherine’s eyes as they ran towards us.
When I got back the next morning, the first thing I got waking up after 10 hours of sleep, was a hug from my mom. All she did was whisper "I was so worried..." and i felt the tears fall. I knew what happened made her worry, and I felt so bad for it. She had enough to worry about, and I kept asking myself why did my family have to go through it. As for me, I feel like after getting the news of my mom's cancer, I was slowly starting to loose faith. I was able to read the Word, and have encouraging talks with my brothers and sisters, but it was still hard for me. I hated seeing my mom wasting away, i hated going to the hospital to see others going through the same thing, and it just hurt all around. Since hearing of the news, I havnt slept well, I was so physically tired, mentally and spiritually drained that I prayed so hard that this literal retreat with my class would revive me. As usual, God did nothing but provide what I needed. Being able to eat sleep and live with my brothers and sisters revived the hope that I was so lacking this summer. Even down to the church service at Nick's church, was perfect in what I needed to hear. And now I realize, even that incident on the I-5, was necessary for me to experience. I felt what it was like first hand to not have any control of my own life and let it fall in the hands of God. And because He didnt leave our side, and kept us safe through it all, I have hope in his power and sovereignty that he wont forsake my family as we trudge through this. I feel that He knew i needed or we all needed (refering to my class) something as traumatic as this to help each other grow stronger in our hope and faith in Him and He showed us in the most perfect way possible
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